Parents are liars. I got ahold of the job description and it was right there:

Incumbent will stretch the truth as necessary to ensure perpetuation and survival of the species.

The biggest lie, to which the title of this post refers, is more of a withholding of information than a blatant falsehood. The lie plays out day after day, from sea to shining sea, as men and women of all ages gaze upon the swollen abdomen of a pregnant woman and smile as if everything is going to be alright. It's the lack of truth inherent when they press their hand to her stomach and heap gifts upon her amidst a barrage of verbal positivity. The lie is all the good stuff they tell her because her pregnant glow can't withstand the bad.

I am pregnancy buzzkill. It's my new mission in life. No longer will a newborn's mother be able to say, in my presence, that "nobody told me it would be like this!" I know perfectly well that noone on the verge of impending motherhood will believe me, but I'm going to say it anyway. And I'm going to say it in allegory, 'cause that's just how I do.

Your life is a puzzle that your baby will not fit. Forget even trying to shove his/her cardboard curves into the 1000 piecer that was your old life. That puzzle is done. There's a blue light special in Fate's aisle five that has a brand new jigsaw with your name on it. No refunds, returns or exchanges.

I'm not sure that you're getting this. What I'm trying to tell you is that the old puzzle might as well be glued together, framed, and hung on the wall. You can't go back. I want you to know this.

You've got a million pieces laid out in front of you now in a puzzle that belongs to your baby, and your next baby, and the babies of your babies. It's not your puzzle anymore, but every time you snap a rounded tip into its matching cranny, you will feel more fulfilled than you ever imagined being. It's not at all easy and it's not always fun. Know this. It is brand new.

For all my talk of honesty, I see now that even I can't spell it out. I can't unleash this truth in the kind of plain terms you will understand. You will still come back here saying that nobody told you it would be like this.

And all I will be able to do is look at you knowingly, the newest perpetrator of the biggest lie.


Blogger Jene said...

hey, "I" never fed you any bullshit about how great motherhood would be!

10:49 AM  
Anonymous Chris said...

What, are you taking over my job now?

4:56 PM  
Blogger Michelle :) said...

I love this post...thanks for the warning!!!

8:57 PM  

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